This is the evening of my third full day in Shanghai. I arrived on Friday Night Shanghai time. I won’t lie, the first night was impossible. It was overwhelming. I had no internet or phone. I hadn’t slept in hours, I had jet lag, but my body was telling me it was am not pm. It was dark when we arrived and I was already homesick. I was looking at 5 weeks in a foreign country. I was losing my mind.

I’m an extrovert and I am not nearly as brave as I once believed that I was. There is something terrifying about feeling alone. It’s like you can’t breathe. It’s like you’re reaching for something to hold onto in the dark and you can’t find anything, so you just fall with no idea when it will end, and it feels endless.

I was restless.

I’ve had a few days to think this over. Adjusting to new settings, new time change, and my first dorm room. Sometimes it’s hard to trust that God has us where he wants us.

I’m learning not to second guess myself. When I speak in Chinese and in life. I feel less now, like I’m falling, and more like jumping.

“As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.”– Ecclesiastes 11:15


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